I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
