He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
