I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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