no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
