I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I believe in your delicious
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
