DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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