I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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