Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
