chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
