I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
