Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
