Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
