I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
