I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize