handjob tips. give me some.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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