I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The adults are the big ones right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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