Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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