you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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