It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
