i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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