Yo dont text me then not text me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
