were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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