just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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