I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
