i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
