she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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