all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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