why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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