he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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