Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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