Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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