I puked a lego.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
