I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
