Four minutes until I can fart!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
