I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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