She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
