That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
