just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They took my balls.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
