I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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