So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
