I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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