I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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