My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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