it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
