I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
