Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Boobs are out for the taking
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
