Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
