therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
are you so shy because you have an std?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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