I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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