Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
