I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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