I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
