Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
