let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
