it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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