Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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