Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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