He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
