why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
FUCK WHALES
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