My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
