We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
