how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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