Cold hands, warm shart.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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