I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
