i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
