either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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