Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
